I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
