I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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