it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
