If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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