Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
