Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize