I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
