went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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