Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
