I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize