I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
