Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
