sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
