Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
