The maid of honor just puked.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
