everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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