he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
