Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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