Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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