I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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