so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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