Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
