I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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