wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
