I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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