she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
