im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need to calm my uterus...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize