You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
