just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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