I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
