Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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