He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
