I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
