So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
