i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
