i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
