Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
