I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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