i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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