You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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