Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
