im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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