There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
