What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
