# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
