I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
