i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
