hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
