I think I died a long time ago.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
