I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
