he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
