I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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