Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
