I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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