The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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