dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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