i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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