Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
