ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
