Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
