Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
