Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
