i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do herpes really smell.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
