i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
