Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
