STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just pee around me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
