mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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