Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
