Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
