hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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