Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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