if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
