I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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