Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
