I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
