And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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