i already hear my dad disowning me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
