That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
