So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
