I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
