You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
