you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Come see our sink grown plant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
